Can't Think of A Title

Today is Friday, and we are nearing the end of October. Most importantly, today marks my one week of teaching. Fuh, thank God I got through the first week! It's quite stressful as I have to go through the whole chapter before giving lectures to the students. And tension is rising higher due to the fact I have yet to start revising for my finals which are less than two-weeks' time. Yikes! Seriously, I'm having the jitters all day long, and I can't even get proper sleep these last few nights. Sigh.. I'm so dead-meat. Help! But still, you have to acknowledge that I deserve some applause for managing to 'pretend' being a teacher for a week lol. At the very least, I applaud myself.. *clap-clap*

This made our night. Lol.

Huddy adds: Everytime weekends arrive, I'll ask my husband the same question with the same muka monyok, "Why can't weekends be three days instead of only two?....."

Tuesdays

I always feel happy informing people that both of us do not eat any type of seafood, apart from fish of course. He has allergy to that group of food while I'm allergic to prawns only and really dislike all types of sotong. I don't like the color, neither the yellowish nor the white with purplish spots. I don't like the rubbery texture, and I don't like the shapes. Don't feel like trying crabs or lobsters too. People always go 'Ohh, dua-dua tak makan? Waa bagusnya!' whenever we answer their query on whether we consume seafood. And, whenever one of us answers the question, there are wonderful flowers blooming within me. Sangat suka huhu. Sometimes, it feels like it's a sign that we're fated to be with each other. Nyaa.. Hihi.

I also just found out that his family, especially his siblings and his sister-in-law, eats crunchy crust pizzas only. They have never ordered pan crust pizzas because they dislike it. On the other hand, I and him prefer pan crust to crunchy crust. I am not a fan of it because personally, I don't think it's worth to pay for, because it doesn't fill me up. This is based on my preference ya, don't get upset if you like to eat the crunchy ones instead huu. But really, am so glad that he's not nuts over the crunchy ones and that we're not a couple who has to buy pizzas with different crust to satisfy each other's cravings. Pelik juga yang dia macam lain dari kelompok dia.. Tapi sangat bahagia dua-dua makan pizza tebal lol. (Petanda jodoh juga? Huhuhu..)

But right now, I don't like one thing. That thing is that he has futsal games every Tuesday after work. Why? Because I have to wait for him an hour extra than normal days. Dah la company dia main tipu extend working hours to 5.45 p.m. with the excuse of replacing the lunch break's 45 minutes. If it's not extended, he should be able to reach home by 7 p.m. But no, because of it, he'll be back around 8 p.m. every time he plays futsal. Huh. These Japanese haa.. Pfft! (Dia suka futsal, manakala saya tidak. Jadi, bukan jodoh la ek? Hei masih jodoh yee.)

Huddy adds: Balik dari kerja, memang sudah lapar. Tapi, perlu juga sabar menunggu jarum jam menunjuk ke angka lapan..

So Far, So Much

I woke up suddenly in the wee hours this morning. Checked the time, it was only 4.25 a.m. Hands searched for my bb, not baby a.k.a. hubby but bantal busuk okay lol. Found it and covered my left side of face with a determination to get back to sleep. But, yet, I can't. Note: the price of sleeptime has been on an increasing trend ever since I started working.

Started to get cuak, macam-macam dalam otak dah. I started to nudge my husband a little without turning around to face him. Nudge nudge. No response, still sleeping soundly. Tried again, and he was still sleeping. This time, I turned around and shoved him a bit. It works, and he asked what's the matter. Chewah, like a British pulak, of course lah he asked in Malay huhu.

I told him that I dreamt someone was dying, and was in the nazak stage. We were visiting his ailing relative in the dream. And then I just woke up, and slowly I realized my stomach was hurting, specifically along a long line on the right side of it, and it was pulsating. I only told him of the dream at first and he just said, 'Mimpi je tu.. Syaitan tengah kacau u. Tak basuh kaki la tu semalam..'

And suddenly I just burst into tears and while sobbing, I said, 'Takut mati..! I tak nak mati lagi...! Perut sakit belah kanan, takut appendix or blablabla...!' Immediately, I got a hug and he hushed me down, telling me not to say things like that. Lol. I bet he was shocked seeing me suddenly talking about mati huu.

But honestly, I was scared to just ignore the dream and just sleep on. I don't want to die yet. Among the thoughts that ran through my head at that time was this: I don't want him to remarry and be with some other woman than me..! Lol. Family popped up. Masters too, popped up. Come to think of it, I find it quite intimidating that it was one of the thoughts I had when I was wailing about me not want wanting to die yet.

Hmm.. Macam-macam belum buat, macam-macam belum dapat. Rumahtangga baru nak mula bina. Anak dan cucu belum sempat bersua. Dengan ayah pun, hati belum hilang bara. Pangkat isteri solehah pun nun jauh disana. Dan jauh benar lagi dari seorang yang mukmin kepada Dia. Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah..

Huddy adds: How in the world lah the word 'lifeline' or 'talian hayat' came up? Seems sooo ridiculous now. Pfft!

Dark Hours

My younger brother has been giving me scoops on my father. The first time he told me some of it, I cried my eyes out the the whole night the moment I stepped into our bedroom. The only personal space I have in his house where I feel safe the most. My husband's presence was comfort enough, even though he didn't utter any soothing words. I somehow managed to fall asleep that night though my heart was in pain every time I thought of my father. The day after, I woke up having a fever, and it lasted for a week. This, I am not making it up, nor am I exaggerating.

What was it that I heard that made me sick the whole week? Well, my brother told me that he suspects my father has been keeping in touch with someone very diligently. Fingers always on the go on the keypad, calls keep coming in and going out. And how do I know that there might be truth in my brother's claims? Because he would never bother about such meddlesome things nor even talk about stuff like that if it wasn't real.

Honestly speaking, my father has done nothing wrong in actuality, since he is a single father as my parents got divorced when I was in my second year studies. And I'm sure my siblings wouldn't mind about it and the possibilities of it rolling into a concrete proposal. Correction, they wouldn't care about it, especially my older brother as he is quite self-centered. Shafiq, my younger brother, only said to me that if it was real, he would tell my dad to put brakes on the marriage until my brother gets a place to stay. Do you know what is his age? 19 years old, this year. Only nineteen. I'm sure he does mind to a certain extent. He just doesn't show it. Or maybe, his not-caring attitude is his way of defense.

I, on the other hand, am coping very badly with the news. For now, the status of the so-called friendship, has not been clarified nor explained by my father. What I only know is that it is definitely more than a normal, platonic friendship. And adding even more suspense and drama to it, is a statement from him, which goes 'You will be the first to know if nikah'.

That isn't helping me. Nikah or no nikah, the idea of my father being with someone, or marrying someone, is kind of blocked in my mind. No, I am not being selfish here. This isn't me doing it on purpose. It is just very difficult for me to accept or even think about it. Please do not waste time in telling me that he deserves to have another wife so that he'll at least have a companion later. I know that and I am not saying he does not deserve it.

If you are your father's only daughter and he is the parent you're closer to, you will understand the feelings I feel at this point in time. If your father is the one person you will go to for seeking advices without any shame, on any matter, small or big, you will feel what I am feeling. If you're Nurul Huda and your father is Nurul Huda's father, only then you can go through what I'm going through. So, until you satisfy the last condition, please don't dare to tell me what to do because I'm feeling extremely shitty now.